Cold Turkey

As you can tell from Leslie's first post, she has the fortitude and focus to stay the course on this hairshirt-of-a-diet (named with you in mind, Scott). I'm counting on you, Leslie, to keep me on track during the dark moments of caffeine withdrawal and lentil overload. And since you roped me into . . . I mean convinced me to join you, I know your positive attitude will get me through!

I'm a bit concerned as my first step in this process has been to order the book. Low and behold, I ordered the wrong book--the one that extends the 21-day program into a permanent lifestyle. Frightening.

I have been trying to prepare myself--reading recipes online, strolling the gluten-free aisle in Whole Foods, sampling rice crackers and eyeing the latest hummus flavors. I bought two cans of cooked lentils and promptly shelved them next to the chips for our chocolate fountain.

After surveying the grocery store options, here's how I'm thinking the various challenges will stack up:

• Gluten free, sugar free baked goods--check. (Though I'll miss sampling my daughter's weekly baked goodies, I'll be done in time to fill my holiday-themed cookie tins with an array of homemade treats.)
• An alphabet of bean choices--check. (Seeking great new Latin and Indian take-out options. Anyone?).
• Stir fry, every way--check. (I now have an excuse to add the nuts back to my veggies.)
• Organic, agave sweetened, wheat-germ enriched, berry-colored cola--whoa! And we arrive at the apparent stumbling block in my temporary new regime.

How on earth do I give up caffeine? My morning Ritual Coffee latte? My afternoon Blue Bottle? The many Diet Cokes in between? I'm assuming that extra-strength Excedrin will replace the morning coffee, but I'm a little worried that my withdrawal symptoms will make the evening news. And w/o caffeine-enhanced brain cells, will I ever win another game in my women's Scrabble group? (Nerds unite, I know.)

So I decided to research caffeine withdrawal online and arm myself with some good ideas. And I certainly came across a variety of expert opinions. One medical website explains to those experiencing caffeine withdrawal headaches, "the most commonly recommended treatment for the caffeine headache is to consume some caffeine." Another website counsels, "The best way to avoid caffeine withdrawal entirely is not to get hooked on it in the first place." Then the crushing blow from yet another source, "Just be aware that some pain relievers, such as Excedrin, contain caffeine. . . ."

And then I found this: "Attempting to taper a caffeine habit is about as successful as an alcoholic sticking to just one drink. . . .We've all seen the looks the baristas give one another over those split shots. Besides, when it comes to decaf, what's the point?"* Clearly, I'd stumbled on a wise soul.

He continues: "You're going to have to go off coffee cold turkey. And I want to break this to you up front; it's not going to be pretty. . . . You're going to have a nasty headache that can last from one to seven days. You'll be irritable, nervous, restless, sleepy, depressed, and you'll have trouble concentrating. You'll be nauseous maybe even to the point of blowing chunks. And the worse your habit, the worse your symptoms."

And I was worried about my Scrabble game. I begin to wonder if our kids' school's beloved Circle of Friends committee--which offers meals, play dates, and carpool help to families at times of crises--would consider caffeine withdrawal a valid medical condition?

My new online caffeine-free mentor then suggests that kicking the caffeine habit be timed to coincide with one of the following:

1) Stomach flu
2) Hangover
3) Childbirth
4) Visit from the in-laws

I pondered these suggestions, and came up with the following:

1) Gross.
2) Tricky on a booze-free diet.
3) Get real.
4) OMG. They'll be here smack in the middle of the Cleanse. Thus,

Option 5) Acupuncture.

Alternative eating requires an alternative treatment.

That settled, I find myself quite excited by this somewhat out-of-character undertaking. And if I fit in my favorite cocktail dress by Christmas, all the better. So thank you, Leslie! You are an inspiration. I want to say that clearly now, because I may soon be saying something else . . . .

-Mary

*vhttp://www.wisegeek.com/how-can-i-deal-with-caffeine-withdrawal-headaches.htm