Day One, Belatedly

Morning was off to a good start. While flipping pancakes for the kids, I mixed up the oatmeal my husband (he of the Soybean Surprise Casserole) had selected for me. I added raisins and walnuts and started in. It was delicious. So good in fact, that I checked the label. Was there really no sugar in this? No, there wasn’t. But there was—gulp—wheat flakes! And not buried deep in the ingredient list, but listed in the #2 spot right after the oats! Of course, I hurled the oatmeal into the sink and retreated to the cabinet. Next, I blended up a shake with my newly purchased protein powder (also selected by Mr. Soybean Surprise). Added a banana, some frozen strawberries, water—and voila! The frothy pink concoction was quite good, not extremely tasty, but a notch up from just okay.

After dropping the kids, replaced my morning latte with peppermint tea. All was well. Day progressed as normal. Caffeine-headache set in, but I was prepared. I headed for my first ever acupuncture appointment. It definitely helped with the headache. Quite amazing. But then I agreed to let my acupunturist “cup” me. When she first mentioned the therapy, I had visions of aged Filipino men cupping patients on straw mats lining the sidewalk in Manila. As a former health journalist, and having spent years working in Asia, I well remembered the practice.

Eyebrows raised, I said, “Well, I’m sure this isn’t that thing I’m thinking of where you light a match inside a glass and then invert the glass onto my back, creating suction that leaves a big purple ring of a bruise?”

“It is indeed!” she replied cheerfully. But she is a wise and persuasive healer, and I was fighting a mounting migraine. She seemed so calm, and the music was so relaxing, so I figured—needles, flaming cups, bring it all on!

I’m not sure what the cupping did, other than insure I’ll have to wear a wetsuit to the pool this weekend. As for the needles, I never even saw one go in. I fell asleep, woke incredibly refreshed.

When the session was finished, and the assistant had removed the needles from my body (fairly painless, totally cool), I stood and looked in the mirror. As I swept my hair out of my face, I gasped. There it was—one lone needle, protruding straight up from my hairline, blending inconspicuously with the ever increasing gray hairs invading my sandy blondish brown locks. I was about to head off into the mean city streets with a needle hanging out of my body. I’m not sure how this stacks up again wearing your blouse inside out or having toilet paper stuck to your shoe or even a curler in your hair, but it unnerved me. I called out plaintively for help, and the needle was quickly removed.

That evening, while tidying up the kitchen, I took a closer look at the protein powder canister. It said, “Whey Powder.” Whey? Couldn’t be. Soybean Surprise husband had selected it especially for me. But there was no mistaking the fact that this was indeed whey powder, made of generous portions of milk product.

And so with a 100% HERBAL cup of tea (label triple checked), I reflected on day one of my almost vegan, almost gluten-free, almost sugar-free Cleanse. And much as I appreciate Mr. Soybean Surprise's help and support, I vowed to select my own food products for the remainder of the Cleanse. -Mary