Grumble Grumble, Silver Lining

If Days 1 - 4 were headache hell, and Day 9 was my feel good high, then Day 17 is my low energy low point. If I weren't such a nerdy A student deep inside, I'd give up the Cleanse now. I feel tired, draggy, my joints ache. While I know that my body is healthier w/o the caffeine and sugar and gluten, I feel off balance having no milk, no yogurt, no grilled chicken, no cheese. Truly, the vegan part of this diet has just not felt like a fit with my physiology/psychology/astrology/etc.

For a while I felt cool, able to converse a whole new language with a whole new whole foods crowd. I chatted with the Real Foods checkout guy about OUR "vegan lifestyle." I garnered new respect at Herbivore when I demurely asked for the special little gluten-free menu they keep behind the counter. I exchanged knowing glances with fellow "healthy" shoppers as we bypassed TJ's free samples with a not-so-veiled air of superiority. I had a backstage pass to San Francisco's bulk food aisle.

But today I feel like the poster child for Corn Products, stuffed with vegan tamales, tortillas w/black beans, and grain after grain after grain. So while I'm happy to be gluten-free, I do not like how many carbs I'm ingesting instead of non-vegan proteins. I'd swap them all for a cheese rind in a nanosecond. Today I caught myself whispering "miss you" as I walked by the outdoor grill. Interestingly, my mind/mouth are not doing the craving, per se. It's more like my muscles are asking for fuel that they're not getting.

This kills me because I want to be THAT person who says I feel great, feel light and strong and nourished. I want to be the A student, the blogger who writes that I've rounded the bend and I feel the power! I really thought that would be me, and I'm disappointed that I'm not.

However, there is a silver lining among the corn husks. I think my biggest take-away from the Cleanse will me a more mindful approach to eating. The hours spent reading labels have underscored how sugar lurks everywhere, and to a lesser extent, so does wheat. As a family we've had far less processed food these past 17 days. Our compost bin has been filling up in record speed. I can't downplay the real gift I've given myself by kicking my odious Diet Coke habit. And the fun I've had with my fellow Cleansers is the non-dairy icing on the gluten-free cake! Despite my grumbling, I would absolutely do this again--especially Day 9. -Mary